Unseen but Accepted

As a child, she deeply longed for words of affirmation, acceptance and respect. She was very obedient but she didn’t get any words like these from her parents, her relatives, or her teachers. Instead, they cursed her and judged her and passed her from family to family, even abusing her sexually. Now as an adult and a believer, she still longed for those words, but she still felt like she didn’t exist and even at church they didn’t acknowledge her. She was kind and helpful and respectful but no one ever affirmed her. A single bad word or bad look from the pastor or his wife would knock her down for days. She believed that unless those in authority proved she existed and that they accepted her by affirming her with their words, then she didn’t exist, didn’t belong, wasn’t good enough, wasn’t acceptable. She gave them too much power over her view of herself. In prayer, she accused and forgave her parents for never affirming her, she accused and forgave her relatives for never having even one kind word for her and abusing her sexually, she accused and forgave her third grade teacher for never affirming her despite her hard work, obedience, and kindness. She rejected the lie that she needed their words to prove she belonged in this world, she existed and asked God to break its power. She confessed continuing to believe this lie as an adult because of the destruction it caused in her life and asked God for forgiveness. Then quietly, she asked her heavenly Father to give her something she could hold on to instead of the lie. She saw a row of transparent crystal bottles, she saw God tap each one in turn with a wooden stick and she heard each one ring. She was one of those bottles and though she was trransparent, meaning no one even knew she existed, still she did exist and God delighted in the sound of her life. God didn’t play favorites, he delighted in the sound that each one made and loved each one completely. She accepted this beautiful truth and was no longer bound by the lie, no longer hanging on every word her pastor or his wife spoke, so finally she was free. She knew she belonged and was a delight.

-Mike Banker, 2014